Wednesday, May 25, 2011

.forward motion.

guilty. i look back on my childhood and periods of my youth with longing and nostalgia. the days were long and sunny, the nights were blanketed in a symphony of crickets and frogs. in our oak hammock, i was nestled with the kind of happiness that comes from a youth of innocence. as the years followed one after the other, my life took on the shape of progress. from friends to courses to jobs, i was content, joyful even.

like a well-scripted movie, there was eventually tragedy and heartbreak to dramatize my seemingly flawless path. if my life had actually been a movie, these things would play out to give fullness to the character, to show depth and layers. while hardness helped to shape my own character, it left me far closer to empty and flat. i chose to embark upon resilience though and continued to look for my chance at bliss.

in all, my life can be looked back upon with satisfaction and a smile. there were moments that still make me laugh until my ribs ache when i talk about them and there were friends back then that i still hold near today. stories run through my mind in fast forward motion as a montage of my life and it is easy to cling to those carefree days with too much want. always one to have a camera in my hand, thousands of still images color the spots my memory has turned gray.

oftentimes, i hear people talk about their days gone by with a hint or a heap of longing. 'remember how great those college years were?' 'remember when we were younger and could get away with this?' 'remember before we had kids and weren't tied down?' i get it. i understand what it's like to miss good times and people and places. however, why do we sometimes sacrifice the now and the next for what is no longer?

for me, i never want to be at a point in my life where i'd rather be somewhere in my past. i never want to hear myself utter, 'those were the best days of my life.' if i do find myself tempted towards those thoughts, i hope i make every effort to better my today and look forward to my tomorrow. i want to live my life with anticipation for the next great thing, the next best moment. let me try to make efforts to create my happiness.

i'm known to always have some plan, party, event in the works and i keep my own calendar full with prospect. recently married, i look forward to building a life and family and for that family to build a life and family. it is so simple to get caught up in the what ifs and if onlys, but i am the only one in control of how i live the life i have right now. there will surely be more tough days sprinkled amidst the joyous ones ahead, but i must promise myself to hold tight to my situation and to always await the better times that lie before me. my encouragement to you is to let go of the longing for a time that has already said its goodbyes and to find the gumption to make the most of your life right now. from there, i bet you'll find yourself pining for your future. and that, that is a hopeful feeling.

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